


Wait for Me

by Watashi_wa_Okami



Series: Oneshots no one asked for [4]
Category: Gintama
Genre: And I'm Dying, Angst, But not like Takasugi, Canonical Character Death, Everything Hurts, Gintoki needs a hug, Good for Nothings, Heavy Angst, Hurt, Hurt No Comfort, Joui War, Rival Relationship, Spoilers, Takasugi needs a Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-19
Updated: 2020-07-19
Packaged: 2021-03-05 06:20:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25389673
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Watashi_wa_Okami/pseuds/Watashi_wa_Okami
Summary: Gintoki has been the last face many eyes have seen. He has dealt with the guilt that the last words he offered people could have been better - they deserved better. And he thinks he won’t regret this one.
Relationships: Sakata Gintoki & Takasugi Shinsuke
Series: Oneshots no one asked for [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1516460
Comments: 2
Kudos: 42





	Wait for Me

**Author's Note:**

> I lost this in the mess that is my oneshot writings.

Gintoki expected to see Takasugi. Because if that man does anything, it’s trouble. Maybe he could have expected a sword pointed his way. Again, master troublemaker. At a first glance, seeing him isn’t concerning. But it’s the gleam in his eyes as he opens his mouth and crushes Gintoki’s soul in those heartless fingers.

“ _Two years ago, when all of you denied me, I said to you as long as you continue to live, tragedy will only recur._ ” Gintoki can't move but Utsuro keeps going. Too fast, the world is spinning because that face, that stupid hairstyle, that dumb kimono, they don’t match that smirk. They don’t belong with that pure malice borne from malice (borne from a loving sensei willing to try once more.)

“ _This is the result of the path you chose. Here, you have no friends nor masters. All that is here is the void: Utsuro._ ” How fitting. How absolutely fucking fitting. Because it’s not enough that he doesn’t know what happened to Shouyou or the kids. Of course the world had to throw _one more damn thing._

Is it a foolish hope that Takasugi is still inside, fighting?

No, of course he is. It’s Takasugi, the midget that doesn’t know when to quit. He’s in there, fighting, maybe biding his time. For what, Gintoki has a few ideas and he can help with that.

“ _Utsuro, even without these nice little lectures of yours, we’ve known about our own powerlessness for a long time now. So we made a vow. Even if it meant combining the strengths of these powerless swords that clashed together so many times. We would take back what we lost on that day._ ” Even with immortal blood, Takasugi is still a good-for-nothing. And thanks to his perm, he’ll always be a good-for-nothing. That fact will never change, so neither will their promises. “ _And we’re not going back on our word."_

For once, he can get this right without breaking another promise. And he won’t let anything get in the way of that. Not Utsuro and not Takasugi. With Takasugi’s voice, words from nightmares past hit him. Dreams of blood and death and of a confrontation so close Gintoki could smell the smoke. A confrontation that loomed above him every time he remembered his broken friend.

The words had long ago worn him down, but hearing them in real life with that voice but from _that_ person, it worms a small hole in his heart and he knows it won't heal. And how could it? Before, he'd always been able to rely on Takasugi. The man became a torn band-aid that flopped around uselessly but still stuck, persistent and worn. But it worked well enough. They used each other to heal in their own messed up way.

And he knew, the moment they had walked in to this battle, he _knew_ that only one of them was coming out (he'd hoped naively that it would be Takasugi, because that broken boy deserved it, but he knew who was walking out of the fire and who would burn to ash.)

“ _So after your master, you’ll cut down your friend?_ ” The moment he cut down Shouyou, he _knew_ Takasugi would follow. For a fraction of a second, that fear had left but they always knew that’s how it would end. After all, the only person that can cut them down is each other.

And for some reason, Gintoki always wins.

“ _He would never say something as admirable as ‘I just want it all to end.’ In times like that, he says things like ‘I simply destroy, Utsuro.’"_ No one knows Takasugi better, after all. He could have believed Sensei would even pretend to be Utsuro but sensei knows Takasugi better than that. That wild rebellious kid would never just ‘want it all to end.’ If anything, he’d want to end it all. Himself. Probably by destroying it.

 _Definitely_ by destroying it.

But then Utsuro seems to glitch. And Takasugi’s face, for a fraction of a second, becomes himself again. He knew Takasugi was still in there, he’ll probably give Utsuro a run for his money. But that familiar face contorts once more to that immortal being. And Takasugi’s eyes are those of a sworn enemy rather than a sworn rival.

“ _The only thing laying there was you, Usturo._ ”

“ _Didn’t you want to save him?_ ” Yes. ” _Didn’t you want to protect him?_ ” Yes. “ _I know very well that you came this far with him. If you cut down your master for your friend and you cut down your friend for your master, what exactly do you have_ left?" I don't know. _"Emptiness._ _All that’s left is an empty void, an empty Utsuro. Do you have the resolve to keep that Utsuro alive?_ ” He doesn’t even have the energy to laugh. The tragedy that is their lives seems to keep going. And Takasugi - he’s still fighting, Gintoki hasn’t cut him down yet. 

Because he isn’t sure he can go through this _again_. At least the first time, he knew Takasugi was out there waiting to cut him down. And he can’t entrust that to the kids.

He thought he knew what death felt like: it comes in the terror of a sunset on the cliff of life where reality rests on a thin blade. It creates an unhealable wound that stings all day and every night. It’s the feeling of thinking he may have a family only to have it ripped away and then apart by his own hands. Death is when life feels like Hell.

(But then that means that the old hag, those kids, those people brought him back to life and he learned to _live._ Hell had never seemed so nice. He'd almost been able to forget, to move on. But only 'almost.')

He never thought the relationship he has with Takasugi could ever be as powerful as his love for Shouyou. And yet, fighting that gleam in his eyes instead of that rival blade, it hurts. It makes his sword weigh as heavy as it had back on that hill.

For how long his resolve had gone without wavering, he can't help but stutter, staggering underneath choices he'd rather not make. And Takasugi saves him. Hit for hit, he stops Utsuro and Gintoki can’t hit Takasugi’s body. Not when he’s fighting so valiantly. Not when he’s the one fighting Utsuro. Takasugi deserves this fight.

" _Utsuro, I sure as hell ain’t empty. The ones I want to protect are right here, in my soul._ ” And he knows, when that gleam comes back stronger than before, he knows what he has to do.

And he does.

The weak mortal body doesn’t stand a chance. Takasugi never did although their rivalry says otherwise.

But it’s still him. His grip is as strong as Takasugi’s. His eye gleams like Takasugi’s. But it isn’t Takasugi. And it _should_ be. It _should be dammit_.

He pours his rage into each blow. Because if he’s gonna do this to this man, he’s going to put in the same amount of effort. The same anger that polluted Takasugi’s mind when he realized those happy days were over, he'll let it all out in a way that would make Takasugi proud dammit.

Takasugi, that kid that smiled and felt pure joy at that school, he didn’t deserve the tragedy his life was. He didn’t deserve that pain. None of them did.

And as Gintoki goes for the kill he knows he has to do, Takasugi comes to life. In that ironic twist only the three of them are privy to, he glows into a smile like when they were kids. 

“ _Compared to Sensei, I was far easier to cut down, wasn’t I?_ ”

“ _Yeah._ ” The word rolls off his tongue, his brain knows what the answer should be. But he had too many nightmares of cradling his best friend's body, knowing it was a premonition he couldn’t change. And yet, them being the same person makes it - it's different, but it's not new. It burns and his chest aches but it isn't foreign. Sure, Gintoki has found kin in Hijikata and the other sore losers he surrounds himself with, but they can’t compare to Takasugi and they know that.

He can’t let Takasugi die without knowing. He’s lived too long like an emotionally constipated stack of moldy manga and Takasugi doesn’t deserve to die beside that. He deserves to die beside a spoiling pack of yakult. The best compromise Gintoki can offer is a sober alcoholic.

“ _But Takasugi… I… really would’ve liked to exchange drinks with you… Even if it was half the number of times we crashed swords._ ” Takasugi isn't the sort to respond with words, much less than Gintoki, even if they're the same person. But he's in too much pain to offer the typical physical response he would prefer and they both know that. _Punch me_ , Gintoki almost begs. Almost.

“ _Let’s leave it off here. You’d better get going; you’re not empty. You’ve got things you need to protect with that sword, don’t you._ ” And then he coughs and splutters and Gintoki watches more red appear where he wishes it weren’t. The harsh guttural sounds refuse to stop and he fears Takasugi is closer to death than he thought. In a gasp, he’s back but Gintoki can’t breathe. “ _Gintoki, this destroyed left eye of mine... It closed that day… with the last thing it saw burned into it. It was… your damp face. I’ve lived staring at it with this left eye… an excruciating amount. So when… by the time my right eye closes, you better not be showing me… your disheartened face. The man that stood in my way that day… the man that… I always wanted to defeat… the man I chased for so long… that face isn’t him._ ”

Gintoki wants to be angry. He wants to mourn and every feeling Takasugi has given him throughout the years hits him like a truck.

But he knows the perfect thing to say. And so he fights to steady his breathing and forces a smile onto his lips. It's strained and tight but it sticks.

“ _Go wait for me in hell, Takasugi. I’m not letting you walk off the victor… I swear I’ll win next time._ ”

“ _Fine… by… me…_ ”

Gintoki has been the last face many eyes have seen. He has dealt with the guilt that the last words he offered people could have been better - they deserved better. And he thinks he won’t regret this one.

But for this moment, he drifts to those memories long past. Times when it was just the three of them, when Katsura would call for them.

“ _Takasugi? Gintoki? Where are you? Gintoki! Takasugi!_ ”

He just has to keep going. But the world isn’t as clear as it should be and he can’t muster up the strength to stand just yet.


End file.
